We often get asked “Who the hell are Barry & Stan?”
And, of course, that is the question that people have been asking for thousands of years… the names Barry and Stan turn up in hieroglyphs in Egyptian temples, in the mystery cults of Ancient Greece, even in ancient Chinese legends….. it seems like every culture in every era since the beginning of the earliest human scratchings on papyrus have been trying to answer this question.
So, where to start?
From what we’ve been able to gather from our expensive research, using the latest modern investigative technologies, and with the access only made available to the inventors of history podcasting, Barry & Stan are probably the greatest geniuses in history, but you won’t read about them in any history books, because they like to stay behind the scenes… they are the invisible puppeteers of kings, emperors, generals, dictators, religious icons, CEOs and cult leaders.
We initially thought they started their PR / Advertising firm in Ancient Rome around 30 BCE after being evicted from the Senate by Augustus, but new evidence suggests they have already been around for centuries at that time. And have been constantly in demand ever since. There does seem to have been a third founding partner but nobody can remember his name.
Barry & Stan literally invented the concept of “branding solutions” – strategies, names, logos, spin, PR, advertising, marketing, social media – you name it, they invented it and continue to be the masters of the dark arts. You really shouldn’t try to conquer or run an empire without them on your team. In fact, that is their agency’s motto: “BARRY & STAN – DON’T TRY SHIT WITHOUT US.”
Some of their best known marketing campaigns include the “Virgin Birth”, the cross that Christians still wear around their necks, telling Savonarola to “sex up” his speeches, the Nazi Swastika, they gave Stalin his moniker, named Syngman Rhee’s political party and later designed the South Korean flag, they invented Quantitative Easing, and once even had a country named after them – BarryandStan (it bordered Afghanistan, Stan ran the naming division of the firm for a while, which is why lots of countries have his name worked into them).
They famously will work for anyone and any side (often both sides simultaneously) and have no morals except PAY US…. IN ADVANCE.
They discovered (or, some say, stole) a TARDIS at some point, and so have been able to work for an exclusive list of clients going back to Ancient Greece, which is why they claim their agency was established in 331 BCE, and they continue to work in the 21st century.
They were the glue that held the Roman Empire together. Often misunderstood, but in the end, their unsung efforts kept the empire intact far longer than it should have.
Josephus wrote a whole set of histories about them. While only fragments remain of these books, it is clear that they were key advertisers to multiple emperors. They coined, and should have copy-written the phrase, “quid sit nocere?”
The last we heard, they were living on a private island somewhere in the South Pacific, snorting cocaine off of hookers tits and drinking champagne cocktails while rolling around on beds made of gold coins.
The only known evidence of their continued existence is the merch they unashamedly sell to help fund their coke habit.